this is christop.com Personal to the lady in Ilinois, (email kicked
back): Thank you very mutch for your kind
offor to deflower me howevor i feel i must
decline at this time. I do not get to Ilinnois
very often in any case and as a rule I am
generally uncomfortoble with online
romance. Thank you for your undorstanding
in this matter.

Walter Miller - January 1998 Update  

">
There's some kind of unwritten
allowance for unsocialized behavior on
the part of writers, because regardless
of what great company we think we
are, everybody knows we're really
alone all the time.

Cintra Wilson - Why Artists Should Not
Be Allowed Out In Public

">
I have never liked the music of Elvis,
but after he died I began to enjoy
Elvis-the-dead-celebrity. It was
fascinating to watch the brass of
reality polished with dreams and
longings until it took on the luster
of gold.

Liz Charnock  
1953-1999  

">
I felt, for the first time in my life, that
glorious sensation of schadenfreude.

I'm feeling it right now, actually. I *still*
hate all those girls and I hope they fry
fish until they keel over, from
clogged-artery-induced heart failure,
into the bubbling vats and die.

Kim Rollins - Dodgeball!  

">
An interesting antidote has just
transpired: I have just taken a sip of my
sleepytime tea only to find that I have
sweetened it with maple syrup instead of
honey.The taste sucks aggressively. I
will no longer prep my beverages in
darkened kitchens. I am evolving at a
steady pace. I am a grown-up! I have
arrived.

Evany Thomas - Moving  

">

how long does this stuff take to kick in?

not long. five seconds.

wow, five SECONDS. that's neato

i know. i like science.

Tristan A. Farnon - Around and Around

">
Now, one day back at Data General, his
weariness focused on... the small
catastrophes that come from trying to
build a machine that operates in billionths
of a second. On this occasion, he went
away from the basement and left this
note on his terminal:

I'm going to a commune in Vermont
and will deal with no unit of time
shorter than a season.

Tracy Kidder - The Soul of a New Machine">When I first defined this page a lifetime
ago, I thought that chiefly it'd just be
used to point to the new, big hoo-hahish
things I'd added since the last update.
And thankfully I have remained committed
to hoo-hah -- and I'll fight any man who says
otherwise -- but could I have predicted that
I'd take such pleasure in simply writing little
paragraphs of doo-dads, too?

Andy Ihnatko

">
The plastic rain kerchief is my new
best friend. When my hands get cold,
they become sluggish and achey
and prevent me from gesticulating
with the required level of panache.

Heidi Pollock - January 1998  

">
Not Answering the Phone:
A new quirk of mine. Some people call it
\"screening one's calls\" but I think that's
inaccurate in my case because it's
assuming that I will allow some calls
through the screen. My screen is
becoming less and less porous.

Joshua Allen
The Unabridged Encyclopedia
of September
 

">
i don't have any stickers and if you read
what i wrote carefully you'll notice i never
actually said i did. if i did have stickers
i don't think i'd mail them out either, i'd
probably just cover myself in them and
roll around giggling. but that is neither
here nor there.

Andrew Springsteen - Introduction  

">
I've decided not to shave for a while.
Like for a year. Who needs the hassle,
and should I live the rest of my life
wondering if I can even grow a real
beard? It might help keep me warm
during the cold, heartless winter.
The trick is to not let it get ratty and
filled with lice and maggots.

Mark Thomas - December 14, 1997  

">
someone told me recently that i
was lucky to be a man. at the time i
disagreed with the statement, but
now i think they were right. i think
there is something about being
male that helps me appreciate
the austere joys of emotional
removal.

Alan Moretz (heinovision.com)

">
Would you have expected that you
could fit seven mannequins and two
people into a four-door Saturn and
still be able to drive it? I wouldn't have
expected that. It was an abattoir-on-
wheels, but unfortunately the pictures
didn't come out.

Jamie Zawinski
mannequins, or my apartment
is cooler than yours
 

">
but being a psychotic bitch isn't all it's
cracked up to be. and i'm ashamed to
admit that i'm not the psychotic bitch i
should be. i slack off a lot.

if i were really committed, i'd be a
psychotic bitch 24-7. my boyfriend
would probably argue that i do that
already, but he has no idea. there's so
much more i could do, if i really put my
heart into it.

Xeney
My life as a psychotic bitch

">
\"superpants!\"

 

Nick Purvis - superpants  

">
I take showers in the dark too. Partially
because Justin said it was cool and
partially because whenever I turn on my
bathroom light this huge fan turns on
with it. There is no way to separate the
two. So I bathe in the dark because I
can't bear the noise of light.

elly - 08.25.98  

">
...and so my brain is mush. see!
i knew working with those damn
kids this summer would take its
toll. intellectualism? hi. i'll be in
the sandbox.

puce - september 28
(changing constellations)

">
i know i'm quite immature in lots
of ways. happily. show me one
19 year old who's mature. and
don't fucking say fiona apple.
anyone who can't feed herself
properly isn't mature.

puce - september 28
(changing constellations)

">
We don't mind the meth labs, except that
they discharge toxic substances into our
watershed. And they cause car crashes
on the mountain roads, and they frequently
blow up a barn and start a forest fire.
Come to think of it, they are a nuisance.

Sheila - What is Sheila doing?

">

Damn! Did [X], that thing you write
about on your site, did it really happen?

everything documented here is
true. life is strange enough to
render invention superfluous.

Are you an artist?

what difference does it make?

Godfrey Daniels - Deuce of Clubs FAQ

">
">
Let's get this over with